Tuesday, November 6, 2007

aloha in seattle...

i had a bit of hawai'i today on my split...and it really brightened the overcast seattle sky. at least in my eye. i finally checked out the surf shop in fremont just a block away from blue c and made a new friend. or acquaintance. whatever. the toes on the nose owner of the shop. yet another really nice and friendly inhabitant of the fishbowl. in the 3 months i've been here i've met more really friendly and interesting people that own their own shops or work in a small local one than i have in the 33 years i've been in the litterbox. somehow that is really sad. people there just aren't as friendly. they kinda ignore me when i walk into their shop and force me to steal goods in retaliation.

i learned a bit about seattle surf culture. how its far more laid back and community oriented...more about the journey and experience[s]. non-aggressive wave riding and being attuned with nature. sounds pretty cool. jeff [the owner] said he gives lessons in may. i probably won't get to try surfing in kauai'i next year since it would be winter...so i'm definately going to try to do it at least once here. also on the list is kayaking in vancouver b.c. with the orcas....and mas. he said he'd definately be down to that if i go.

i also bought a dress.


yeah, i know.

...and i know i'm not supposed to be spending my money. but how often do i see a dress i like and feel comfortable in? its been a bit cold. something just may have frozen over.

we'll put that to the test. 2 sundays from now they are holding taiko auditions!

yeah, i know.

...so universe...MAHALO! [even if i don't make the cut...i never thought i'd get to even do taiko let alone buy a dress just because]

Monday, November 5, 2007

save this...

daylight savings.

hmmm. interesting concept.

why is it i never had to experience this in the litterbox where there is an abundance of daylight, hot fucking daylight that needs to be saved. or deposited you know where.

yeah, i know i don't really get it. and i'm a college graduate. i'm pretty sure i was sleeping or doodling during that class. most likely i just didn't go.

anyway it's weird.

fremont and its blue c monkey are just lucky i didn't have to work today because i would have unleashed all this pent up anger and frustration had i found out i went to work way too early. or would i have been late. either way it would have been an all to easy excuse for me to break something. possibly myself.

and yet one more reason the fishbowl is so exciting. who knew one hour could be such a troublemaker!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

happy hollow weenie

i almost managed to slip under the trick or treat radar this year. almost. i can't even remember if it was last year that i made my sad excuse for a costume. [this would be the killer whale hoodie i made] i say pathetic because being an artist someone always gives me grief for not finding this my favorite day of the year with my panties in a bunch stoked over showing off my creativity and twisted artist humor. something happened along the way that really put the poo in the flaming bag on my door stoop. you'll have to try blackmailing my therapist if you want to get some of that doctor patient privilege backstory.

so thanks to one of my bosses, heather [a real life anime character] i partook in the spirit of promoting accelerated tooth decay and type 2 diabetes in my fellow fremont residents. i was once again thrown outside my confort zone as heather [whose first name is mariko-so now i think of the little one over in the windy city whenever i work with her] dressed me up as a ninja. we 3 lunch monkeys [heather, scott and i] were ninjas. pretty cool because they included me and along with the kick ass servers put another tick for today in the ok column. its a small step for this little ninja neko. we did a group photo...but i that was on someone else's camera. i had my ususal unphotogenic face on so you're not missing anything. if i were a cool i'd have looked like the 3 dinner monkeys! [heather, mas, and scott]

and i have to show you all the store manager nicole. hapa girls rock. [she's irish+japanese] and my theory is still holding true: mom japanese=less asian looking. so, not only is the fremont store so fucking cool because i feel more at home, but its all girls in charge here. shit...look what my boss made and dressed up as! [she's a spicy tuna hand roll if you couldn't figure it out] kinda made me jealous that my creativity goes into hiding. i wish i had a group picture because the girls all made their own costumes and they were way cool.
so yeah. fremont rocks. i'm officially making my home there as of today. not only am i going to be getting more exercise since getting to fremont requires more walking [or teleporting-mental exercise] to the bus...but also a sore ass. i felt like i was getting my ass kicked today during lunch [which wasn't really busy] and it felt oh so good. finally a challenge. and my co-workers surprised me with a starbucks americano and breakfast muffin dealie. yes, i know. i am anti-starbucks. [not to mention i don't drink coffee...i'll have to tell them for next time] i am working on getting over that. some of you know why. time to move on make new experiences...better experiences. apparently the chefs treat each other. pretty cool. a tick for starbucks in the ok column.

so as october comes to a close i have 2 taiko lessons under my belt...giving me a workout, source of release, and another activity that is kicking me in the ass. damn. i'm going to need one of those hernia cushions pretty soon. last sunday my arms got all tounge tied with the new song we were learning...my short term memory went into full effect by the time we got to the third line because i then couldn't remember learning the first...and after the lesson my head felt like it was ready to do its own little don-kara-kara-don.

i did run into this mario style shroom out by auntie's place before i went to class. no, t-chan...i didn't eat it.

and this is what fall looks like in the fishbowl. [this was on a walk to work one day when i got off the bus at the wrong spot] ...[yeah, i know...one day i'll figure out this bus thing] living in my new home is such a treat. and a trip. as i still stare out my limo [metro] windows [or m's on a car ride-i'm like a puppy] at the water, boats, and hills right in the middle of the city! [weird]...and oh yes, my favorite...crisp slate sky above me...ready to take a leak at any given moment. i've already forgotten what the litterbox looks like...believe it or not. and the s.a.d. is kicking in as i am really missing my friends and everything is catching up to me. luckily there is a chocolate factory just around the corner from where i work. and they give out free chocolate samples! oh shit...

fremont really is the center of the universe!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

taiko therapy

i had my first ever taiko lesson tonight. i've been waiting for a month to unload my frustrations on that giant drum...so you can imagine the looks on the seattle kokon taiko members faces when i broke not 1, but 3 of their drum heads!

actually i found that somewhere in the time between high school graduation and now i seem to have misplaced my coordination skills. 4 years of being in the marching band and playing music and moving in time with ease...easily navigating the symphony of choreography gone. or so it seems. perhaps just a bit rusty. like riding a bike. although just last month i managed to fall over within the first 5 minutes and 5 feet of having been gifted a new sweet bike by my rad neighbors. but i made it with no mishaps down to fremont with them my second time on it. and then the return trip which was a rui. [riding under the influence].

always happy to be the biggest dork and source of laugter and ridicule for others in the meantime.

back on the taiko tangent: what a work out! it was also extremely fun despite the perfectionist in me putting that furrowed brow [the asu scowl] of concentration on my face. but i was so in the moment. it was great! we did some stretching exercises, then it was time to bang the drums. [of course i can't remember the names for the different ones. the small stringed ones, the large stringed ones, the regular barrel drums, the big ones on the towers, and the taiko in training plastic ones. glorified garbage cans with packing tape heads. ] we even learned to play a song! this was all during the first 2 hour lesson.

i even made a friend without trying. i was loitering inside...putting off standing in the rain for the bus for 30 minutes when a lady came in and asked me if i had a ride! i said no, i'm taking the bus...why? do you have a ride? and that's how this new friendship began. i also got to meet her way cool bike messenger daugher [think japanese version of jessica alba in dark angel] and her 2 visiting friends. i am telling you all this so you can see that it was a full car already, but she said no problem to giving a total [crazy] stranger a ride that was a bit out of the way. so t-chan ...how is it i can so easily make friends even when i'm not trying? the trick is for me to be able to keep it, right? so my sansei friend [of the older end of the sansei generation] lives just a few blocks from auntie in queen anne [so i even scored a ride for the next time-her offer] and has a good friend that lives in phoenix. at the biltmore, or biltmore area. and has a friend that lives at bayview where auntie lives. small world indeed. i wonder if someone in the family knows her phoenican friend or if auntie knows her bayview friend.

so...3 more workshops to go...and then we'll see if i'm going to be adding taiko master to my list of abilities/hobbies/professions. or if i'll just throw my back out [AGAIN] or impale sensai unintentionally with a bachi. [drumstick] if anything i already know its a good experience for me. exercise, meditation, skill, socializing and yet another thing i can cross off my list of things to do before i die. and so you can stop laughing at me for having the ps2 taiko drum master game. what does that have to do with anything? go figure...does anything i say ever make sense?

Saturday, October 20, 2007

drunken monkey...

a lot of interesting things have happened this month that i need to tell you about.

1. i found out that work is so much more enjoyable when you're a little buzzed. all those potheads, coke fiends, and alchies at ra actually had one up on me because the reason i was unhappy at work was due to my straight edge nature. hey, i didn't make vomit gunkan or pinki maki and managed to stay upright during the entire shift! and yes, it was only one midori sour. so even though i was being bad...i'm still a dork. i thank bartender nina for allowing me to live just a little bit more. i hope she is doing the same off in the french carribbean. yup, one of the nicest and most welcoming co-worker left this week for an adventure on a boat. something i could never do...so yet another person to live vicariously through.

2. i've already missed 4 days of work this month. which doesn't sound like a lot. but for someone who prides themselves on being punctual and reliable. [you can stop laughing now] well, that seems to have gotten buried in the litterbox. the last sick day resulted in being spared a sewer shower at work. no joke. a potty pipe broke up over the bar and got shit all over shit and they had to close the store! apparently corey [the resident artist that did the kids cups] ended up with a piece of poo on his shoulder as if it was trying to be his pirate friend and he nearly puked in response!

3. the sick days have led to the revelation that my digestive track has finally gone on strike. seems like i can't ingest fried fatty foods anymore. no more cheetos and spam. definately no more fish and chips and rootbeer. no more tempura or keiko chicken. won't be able to eat your unwanted prime rib fat. i might as well throw myself in front of the 75 bus instead of getting on it.

4. speaking of the 75 bus...one early foggy morning i sprinted down the street to the bus stop hoping the bus didn't come already. this is where my anxeity and stress now originate from. i think i have given birth to a bus ulcer. so imagine my relief when i saw the bus just a block away pulling up as i was a few feet from the bus stop. an old lady standing there also assured me the bus would stop. yeah, and how many coconuts have to fall on my head for me to quit standing under that palm tree? apparently its going to take me a bit longer to get the hang of this bus thing. because i was in the motion of getting out my bus pass when all of a sudden the bus sped up and away! yes, i did remember to put all of my clothes before leaving the house. i spied the old lady waving away the bus. ...the stupid fucking bitch!!! i could have sworn i yelled that out as i came up behind her and pushed her down in the gutter and kicked her until my leg got tired. [which wasn't very long] so how does the bus driver notice other people running down the street but not someone standing at the stop? the mysteries of the metro.

yes, i have anger management issues and boy is the seattle kokon taiko group going to be sorry come sunday when i break something as i get all my pent up frustrations out.

5. japanese people are racist. so maybe i got bachi for this one. now i know what it feels like to be treated like absolute shit by your own kind. imagine being on the receiving end of that racism stick by someone of your own race. if you come to seattle don't ever go into fuji restaurant unless you are flawless in your japanese. and japanese. what do you get if you're a gaijin or japanese american of the american kind? worst service ever! unless you're that black couple that is probably keeping the joint in business by patronizing it every day.

6. so big surprise at the vietnamese restaurant green leaf a few days later. after all those wonderful asian american studies classes i have learned that other asians generally don't like japanese. apparently neither do japanese. and wrongfully i just expected similar treatment. oh...how racist-i mean japanese of me! not only was the service the best i've ever had...the food was fucking delicious! and we scored a sweet desert! not the meat ice cream i asked for. but still just as oishii! [delicious] so how many of you think i've learned a lesson and will quit being anti-asian?

7. there's actually a udub cheerleader i work with at u village that is super rad. really nice and pretty darn cute. too bad i'm transfering to fremont. she said it made her really sad that i was leaving. me too. but we all know what the end result of that would have been anyway.

8. there's actually a japanese boy i work with that i like. yes, i said japanese and boy. i generally don't like asians. [there, wasn't that fast? lesson learned...where's my asian a+ bitch?] but this one is pretty cool. he is into music and art...so i have someone to talk to. he said he liked my drawing style after i invited him down to the zen den after he gave me a ride home. yeah...what a slut. haha. no really. all i did was show him my portfolio. could this also be a reason i wanted to go to fremont? [there's also a girl there that moved last year from prescott...a little bit of home, sorta]

9. today there was a freak 5 minute hail storm that bombarded us with golf ball sized hail. while standing at the window i wondered if that was a good idea should said window blow up. you know me...still standing there staring. i went out after and documented god's dirreah. after i stomped around in it a bit. [see my foot prints?] luckily today was my day off...but had i been loitering around the bus stop i would have been bruised but dry with my umbrella, knee length rain jacket and pink polka dotted galoshes. 3 items i've never owned, or had to think about owning in my life living in the litterbox.

10. i've just had a mike's hard lemonade and a glass of pinot evil at dinner. and i'm somehow still awake at 1:30. the lessons on being a lush are going well i'd say.

11. well, that would be projecting into the future 2 days when i go to my first taiko lesson. you'll have to check back later to see what transpired there!...

Friday, September 7, 2007

frisky kitty...

i've been in the fishbowl for exactly 1 month today. and yes, i'll come up with an even more endearing and somehow offensive name for my new homeland soon. its just been way too nice here to come up with anything yet.

so i've decided that there is something seriously wrong with phoenix. well, actually i guess i've always known this. but having moved to a city of nearly polar opposites has afforded me a slightly more omniscent view. since i've moved i've noticed lots of things that are different [i can digress about this in a later blog...i'd be fun]...and each one puts favor in the seattle column. someplace finally overriding portland and vegas. yes, i said vegas. not because of the endless locales and hours of prostit-i mean gambling available. because that was the first place i moved away to and i'd say i had been there for about a month when i blatantly got hit on. by a girl from portland. and when i was in portland visiting kevin and chung, all the while checking things out 'cause i was itching to move there...yup. one month. i got 3 girls checking me out. there was probably more...but you all know how non observant i can be sometimes. but i caught 3, made solid eye contact and got a smile. so you know where this is going. one month. if there were others i am again oblivious. and this is probably one of the reasons why i am still single. [yes t-chan...i know what the #1 reason is! :)] but i caught on to this one....at least i am pretty sure. and as i was telling bud...i'll just keep telling myself that and be happy.

i went to the bank today to deposit my first full check! and boy was i happy...my move yet again vaildated. [i still make hella less than the girls at ra, but more than i was making there!] not only that...but the teller was totally flirting with me. [this is where i am telling myself she was] because she was. :) i wanted to hit on her sure. i even legitimately had to go back to the bank 2 more times to see the account specialist [set up a new washington account and got $100 free as a welcome! fuck yeah!-another reason]...so i had 2 more chances. but i thought that would be inappropriate. it is a bank. here's me with my backpack, bed head hair, dishevealed clothing handing over a note so indiscretely as to not cause trouble for the girl and yup. that's me on tv mistakenly being thrown to the ground by security for what appears to be a stick up threat! whee hee. maybe i'd get frisked again and have some excitement once they get to the knife on my belt buckle and in my pocket. now wouldn't that be fun!!

there's always my next visit. i'm sure i can come up with a reason to go in the lobby. you know i will. if anything i'll get exercise walking down and up the hill to market street. shit. i went up and down the hill a total of 6 times today! and my legs feel like spaghetti. or rather udon!

Friday, August 31, 2007

super neko

ok. i haven't even been at my new job for a month yet and they are already making me a supervisor! hell yeah! my first quarter duty is to be in charge of cleaning [duties rotate with 3 others]...aw shit! i know some of you are laughing right now because you know how i love to organize everything...[making me happy and requesting my services to re-organize your crap] and that i am boarderline ocd on being a neat/clean freak. never mind that pile of dirty work clothes that seems to have manifested on the floor of my zen den. or the t-shirts intertwined in there that are decorated with random paint splatters. that's the monkey side of me surfacing.

at any rate my new bosses go lucky when they hired me. or was it i got lucky when they hired me? not sure yet what's going on in this crazy fishbowl i now reside in. maybe i really am dreaming...now if only i'd get to the good part where my soul mate finds me!...

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

kitty in the fish factory

the other day at work it suddenly hit me why my new job hole was so familiar! no, it wasn't because somehow all my new co-workers have seem to be manifestations of past friends and co-workers. it was because this kaiten style sushi corrales us chefs like we're some kind of exotic animals. this means that as i'm standing there in my zen like trance making sushi, there is a conveyer belt cruising past my nearly blind eyes preforming merry go round duties for the happy little rolls of uncooked goodness. [ok, most of them are cooked...] and this scene playing out before me hit the memory drawer and out came the opening sequence to laverne & shirley. ...where the beer bottles go along on their conveyor belt trip to their new 6 pack home. and then i could hear the theme song in my head as i sighed and watched the sushi roll on by. i cocked my head in boredum also....that is until i violently stabbed my knife into the sushi, cracking the plastic plate it was greenhoused on, and wedging it into the belt. if you were wondering...of course i didn't use my expensive sushi knives but the cheap industry grade chefs knives provided to us. i also couldn't help but sport that look of satisfaction as i not only startled some college girls, but made some kids get the roundest eyes i've even seen on a haole. of course the forward motion of the embedded knife sliced through internal computer cables to disable the monitoring system...which is down anyway...but managed to cause a short in the entire electrical system within the store. no biggie. and i'm sure the parents of that kid that didn't keep his hands inside the booth when they told him to quit touching everything that went by appreciated the well learned lesson their now gimpy prodigy was taught. but it sure was funny the way the grease from the tempura'd foods fueled the sparks from the grinding metal into what turned into a ring of fire around us contained chefs. it was so pretty because at this point all the lighting was out. it was like being at a circus! because of the bear that came out of the bar riding a unicycle and sporting a bra on its head like somekind of northwestern fashion statement snatching up salmon sashimi off the line like it was fishing off in the wild. i wasn't about to tell him he had to wait to be seated by the hostess...not after i saw what happend to the old lady that guffawed at him for his lack of table manners.

but seriously...

the new jobhole rocks. not because we have a unicycle riding grizzly. or because the great owners who offered me a job from afar aren't going to fire me if they happen to read this and wonder what kind of whack job they hired. [i'm sure the did somekind of background check on me. oh, you didn't? oops, now you know...] but because everyone is so darn nice. and the customers regard me like background music ...until they need it turned down. but i turn it up for them. this is because the sushi-go-round is so fascinating to them i have to...well, how do i compete with that? i want their experience to continue on being an entertaining one. what's funnier then watching me drop plates across my station [and sometimes off onto the floor] like i'm a cracked out vegas dealer?

but mostly i find myself in a trance from the sushi going by. this is good. daydreaming means lots of creativity for the canvas at home. but it's also bad because i start thinking about all my friends i left. in the end its all good...getting my zen on. and hell...its like watching cartoons!---the flintstones and seeing fred running to the front door and realizing wow! the inside of his house is like a mile long! but shit...they seriously need to get an interior designer in there because i keep seeing that same table with the same talking dodo bird lamp go by! imagine the size of the sushi back then!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

bus monkey

well, having left the truck behind has left me with lots of exercise by way of running after the bus to get to work. or home after work in the middle of the night. i missed the bus one night because i didn't get out of work on time and didn't feel like sitting at the bus stop for nearly an hour so i called my couz and she ever so kindly picked my ass up.

i do enjoy getting on the wrong bus and having to walk extra blocks and blocks home because i don't like to read what bus is collecting me and i just jump on. or off. its ok. exercise is good for me...and the weather and scenery here kicks ass!

i'm loving riding the bus. keeps me out of more accidents. now i just get to watch them happen right outside my window and not be responsible! today the bus tried to take out this lady and her fancy golden car. when she finally noticed the side of the bus was trying to eat her mirror and give the front end complimentary liposuction because she was in the way, she freaked out and sped off. it was pretty funny.

i also love that it takes me an hour to get to work. when i only live 15 minutes away...if i drove myself. but hell...this way i get to listen to music, get in my meditation time, and daydream! oh right, i did all that when i was driving. that explains the beautiful custom exterior of my former truck.

and the people that get on the bus are funny. me included. i like to make up stories with myself about what they do, where they are going, why they are on the bus, why are they making that face, and did that girl just sit next to me because i was the most harmless looking? someone should warn her.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

that other job

i just got back from being a bad kitty and shopping in ballard. i found birthday gifts for my dear friends back in hell though. i know they'll be mad since i am not working yet and am pretty close to broke. but that's to change real soon. the broke part.

i also went for a ride with my couz who was running errands. he took me down aurora. used to be main drag through seattle. he said there were now only gangsters and hookers. hookers! didn't see any though. but did see the porno shop and strip clubs...where i saw some hottie get her shit out of a hummer. and i said...that's what i'm going to do on the side! be a topless dancer!!! hell, she's got a hummer, must be making the big bucks! not that i want a hummer. fuck no! just the money. makes sushi...and dances topless!

ok. not really. it's a great idea in theory to get out of debt and spoil my friends with gifts and trips and such. but i hate dancing...i have like 3 left feet. picture that with getting naked. ...yeah, not a pretty sight. plus i don't have big boobies. but some of you know i'm not shy about dropping the clothes. ...there was that one kauai'i photo shoot where i surprised everyone...

friday fun

so today my cousin treated me to a cut and color makeover! i'm now short and spiky/messy again...and blue/black! a color that i don't think i've done yet. [my hair is naturally chocolate brown if you were wondering] its weird looking at myself in the mirror because the last few months i've had crazy bright colors. like the crayola factory exploded on my head when i wasn't looking.

i also went with my cousin...my new little brother...down to the bar that's connected to the barber shop where i got my hair done. yeah, funny huh? i had the perfect neko burger...the king's burger. which comes with bacon, mushrooms, sauted onions, cheese....and sweet potato fries! fuck yeah!!! oh. and lettuce, tomato, onion...and one immensely tiny pickle! i had to take a picture...and worried the server who asked if everything was ok.

i also somehow kept that all down after having a glass of pinot evil before the trek to downtown ballard....a pint of moose drool before, during and after the meal [i'm a lightweight that doesn't like beer...but i couldn't resist with that name!] ...and a shot my little bro said i must have called a washington apple. it was delicious! i could drink a busshel of those. and i did pass out on the living room rug with bob purring away on my chest. ...although my cousins came home to find me sprawled out with the kitty under the chair curled up by my hand. too bad they didn't take a picture of that! you'll just have to use your imagination!...

Thursday, August 9, 2007

transplant complete

i've finally made it up to my new home. and unfortunately i've spent too much time changing most of my profile so i am pretty tired and running on fumes. i'm also a little cold sitting here in my zen den [developed by my cousin for me!-yeah, i already know i'm a lucky bastard]...so the bed is looking mighty inviting! my hoodies didn't make it yet...i seriously think they went to minnesota and then back to phoenix even though the ups guys told me they intercepted it. well, today the last 2 boxes i sent out when they told me they fixed their mistake came already. maybe my cousin's ups man is boycotting those 13 boxes i warned him about...because he already had to try and deliver 7 big heavy ones 3 times before i was present to sign for them. i am not sure what i packed in those other boxes besides my hoodies, jackets, shoes, and ps2...so i guess they can mysteriously explode. besides...the computer and art came...and those are the most valuable things i own. ...especially since i gave away everything else.

so the best part of the trip here was being the lucky recepient of further security scrutiny. hmmm...did i spell that right? fuck it. you know what i'm saying. don't you? that i won a free frisking from a cute security officer. yes, i said cute. a little more to the left i said. its a good thing tris reminded me to put my knives in my ship though baggage. ...and i luckily remembered to put away the 4 on me and really big one in my messenger bag. yup. don't want to mess with me in the parking lot. i'll gladly let you get up close and personal with one or all of them.

and then the weirdest thing that happened was that one of my bags was having a good ole time riding the carosel when i got down to baggage claim [with the other one hot on its heels]! what?! i promise i went directly from my seat to baggage claim without passing go and collecting 200 dollars. well, ok...the guy that sat next to me just shadowed me off the plane. but we were speed walking through the terminal pushing elderly folk aside and kicking kids the back of kids heels. i think he was sad that i am not working at ra anymore. he actually asked me if he gave me his name if i'd hook him and his wife [who wasn't on the plane] up. um, yeah...right. i didn't even get to hook my friends up! ok. that was a lie. i shared my last employee meal of beef teriyaki with sheets.

that was a great night. the best night i had working there. because it was my last night. never mind i had to train my mediocre replacement...some haole girl that started out making what i ended making in tip percentage. something is seriously wrong there! if i had blond hair and big boobs i probably wouldn't have started out at 0 for a few weeks. but i digress...and who cares about all that anyway? past is past...i only care to remember that it was the best night there because my friends came in to say goodbye and the boys let me leave early [it was dead] so i could go have dinner with them and relax. i also got to help out my favorite server there [like she needed it] by having the hostess sit my friends in her section. sadly i didn't ever get to hang out with her, but at least i got to a tiny bit at work and my friends all got to meet her...and my other two favorite servers that are brave enough to take me on as a friend. they made my night [and that of a few of my friends] by coming out and hanging with me until what, 4am? bonus karma points for them!

i'm already missing my brother and childhood friend [who stayed up for me to say goodbye at 4am when my ride to the airport came to collect me]. i even miss my pseudo brother i never saw since he got a girlfriend [now fiance]. and i especially miss my little sister! not to mention her mom all the great friends i made off of her. ok...and elvis doggie too. but i know they will at some point all be up here to visit me. and i still get to bug them by phone and email. yay for free long distance and verizon in.

and now i'm really tired. all i have to say is that you can drink the water here out of the tap! oh...i guess YOU already do if you drink dasani! ha ha.

Friday, July 13, 2007

leaving the litterbox

right now i SHOULD be sorting through my shit to give away and pack up. 7 days [and 33 years of stuff to deal with] until my orca pod comes to pick it up and swim it up to seattle! hell yeah, SEATTLE!!!

ok... you probably didn't get the orca reference. i happen to share the name [my real one] with the late actor whale of free willy fame. my last semester at asu this way cool artist classmate, teeroy, surprised me with a gift! here i hardly talked to him all semester...being intimidated and all of his mad skills. anyway, on one thrift store outing he came across a t-shirt with the famed free willy whale and my name on it! i was floored by his thoughtfullness to say the least. it's one of my favorite shirts...on my skinny days. being a kids shirt and all.

how cool would it have been to be starting a new life [like the legendary phoenix] on friday the 13th?! i'll just have to be satisfied with the fortune awaiting me within all those scratchers a former co-worker and friend gave me last night as a going away present. that's another shining example of how lucky i am to have the wonderful friends i do. it was a birthday dinner in her honor and here she had gotten ME something!

so the procrastinator in me has once again taken hold. working best under pressure sure has its disadvantages. but its perfect for meeting art deadlines and being a sushi chef in a busy restaurant! if you were to come dumpster dive behind my house in a week you'll most likely find a ton of good shit. you could have a healthy second income off ebay or craigslist with the stuff i'll be tossing in a frenzy to get the hell out of the litterbox.

i can't wait for RAIN and SEASONS other than hot dammit, being surrounded by WATER [which is great for someone who can't swim], lots of foliage that is GREEN and doesn't bite back, awesome lowbrow art [hopefully mine included]...hell, just art that ISN'T cowboy art, PORTLAND and VANCOUVER being only a few hours away, playing outdoors on my bike and kayaking...and now i'm getting distracted by hunger...

i'll definatly miss my friends and go through withdrawls from not being able to let myself in unannounced at my pseudo little sister's house to bother her when i'm bored [which is on any given day off] and watch her dish equipped tv with elvis doggie. i won't be able to pop into my parents house to get my mail and steal toilet paper and a free meal. but hey, like they all have said....now they have an excuse for a vacation to seattle-where they will always have a place to stay for free at. that is, if they do my laundry, clean the house, make me breakfast in bed, and drive ME around the emerald city. ...just kidding guys. i'd be the other way around...you know it! i'll even miss those fellow sexually harassing chefs at work and the hot college girls i work with that i never got to know...it's probably better that way. i can't hold very much liquor.

next time i write i'll be enjoying my new home out of the litterbox and...in....well, i'll have to come up with a nickname later. for now i'll have to call it the bean hole. the birth place of starbucks you know. luckily i'm a tea drinker...

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

sushi bombs

do you know how entertaining it was to celebrate independence day the japanese way? hiding little chinese firecrackers inside every scallop dynamite roll we sold that would commence a sneak attack on the customers was genius. scallops embedded up nostrils and viva roll toupees-fez! well, at least those unlucky bastards that sat in my section received a special dynamite fireworks show. we all picked different rolls. i really wanted to spark the crazy monkey because burning mango would just smell better. and because i'm the resident monkey chef.

...and this is why i fucked up on so many rolls today. i was off in my own little world daydreaming about blowing shit up. but hey...i got a 10 tip from two funny guys that let me mess with them and made my day by sending it right back. i made fun of them for coming in to have sushi on the 4th of july...that they should have been sitting in the pool with a brewskie and hotdogs grilling. you can grill while in the pool you know, its not like taking a bath and microwaving popcorn. they said it was too hot to bbq...it being 119 and all. the best part was the one guy who looked like his hangover beat mine asked me for a real utensil because "this cracker can't deal with the chopsticks anymore!" why can't all my customers be like that? or the two ladies that i had. one was a return customer i recgonized and she asked me to recommed something good that didn't have raw fish in it. i sugessted the spicy lobster. [this is because of how much i just love to make this roll] while they were chowing down on their one roll apeice i asked how it was. i got 4 thumbs up and then i said good, because i forgot that the fish in it was raw. ha ha ha. they laughed and it was great.

Sunday, June 17, 2007


i just went to seattle for a two day vacation. i would have liked to stay longer and not return to the litterbox of course. but having a job and not having any vacation time kept it a short two days with a return flight back to hell. i don't think i'll ever get used to the heat. and especially so when my room makes me sweat like a piggie. [yes i have ac and its cranked down to 71 but i don't know where its going to] but the trip up north was more refreshing than a illegal dip in the neighbors pool despite its length. extra bonus because i finally got a tattoo. finally. i think its due to having my midlife crisis. i've been wanting one since i was in my 20s. but got my nose pierced and had every haircut and color from non existant to hanging out by my ass instead. if i was a hot asian chick i wouldn't have to subject myself to such fun costume changes...which i just realized i have been doing in an effort to detract from not being a hot asian chick and never wanting to act my age. i just realized this tonight when i was talking about it and showed the hot hapa server girl i work with my tat. [jessica is yet another shinning example that hapa girls are hella cute and still holds that hapa theory of mine in check.] and then one of the hot haole servers came over [my favorite one there, and not because she thought i was only 24...but bonus good karma for her for that one] and said it looked fake so jessica said she had just drawn it on with a sharpie. tomorrow i want to tell her it washed off in the shower.

so what is it that i've just branded myself with until i'm on my way to be reborn? my family crest. two hawk feathers nestled in a diamond...that's part of what's behind the two feathers everywhere in my art. my brother has the same tattoo, but mine is the negative of it and it was designed on the fly by my [yet another famous artist] cousin up in seattle that i stayed with. [it was kind of a last minute thing as the plan was to go to the art museum] i love tht i can look at it all the time, anytime and get my head back where its supposed to be...remember i can do anything and i'm stronger than i think because i have samurai blood running amuk inside, and that the people who have made the most positively profound impact in my life are my best friends...who also happen to be my cousins sharing the litterbox with me.

so i had my right ass cheek branded like the ox i am in the chinese universe. ...i'm kidding. its on my right shoulder. i could look in the mirror in my cartoon world and see the reflection of my self portrait i painted looking back at me all intoxicated like from that one midori sour. never mind that in the painting i have a hoodie on and the diamond is absent. someone probably stold it. the diamond. or the hoodie. would explain why i can see my tattoo on my bare flesh there. or maybe its the x ray vision i aquired from getting laquer thinner in my eye from my printmaking/artist assistant job prior to this digit dismembering sushi chef one i now have.

the tat didn't hurt at all. it tickled more than anything. well, not anything the sound was just annoying because it reminded me of being at the dentist...and i hate the dentist as i've had two root canals and numerous crowns unnecessarily put on in order to fund my dentist's daughter's college fund. so i don't know what all you pussies are talking about. half way through i already wanted another one and had ideas bouncing around the coconut. one of those stone koi that adorned the rooftops of homes back in the day in japan...it denoted the residence of samuai and so protected them from danger. and we all know how that angel of mine could use some help keeping me out of trouble! and i definately want a japanese style phoenix [that i am going to draw myself] when i finally take flight from here and start my new life and start living my dream. which i imagine will be real soon. in like two minutes to be exact when i get my ass to bed to recharge for the double i am pulling tomorrow with a fucked up back and neck from my fall at the wonderful workman's comp denying restaurant i work at...oh the joy of painkillers...

Saturday, June 9, 2007

monkey down

[hee hee]...last night at work i ate it big time. ...twice. it was fucking hilarious. one of the servers had the pleasure of seeing both and asked me if i was ok, while a fellow chef caught the second much funnier fall. he kept apologizing for laughing...but i don't blame him. i was cracking up too...and was only sad that i didn't get to see it from his point of view. i know had i astral projected myself out of my body to watch myself fall the second time a mere 3 steps away from the frist, i would have peed my pants from laughter. limbs flailing and tail not doing its job of keeping me upright by latching on to something bolted down like the old beer taps nearby and instead allowing me to catch some good air before my flat ass introduced itself to the wet kitchen floor. unfortunately my butt, neck and shoulder are a little sore today. that's nothing...because luckily my phone broke my fall. and now has some internal 0s and 1s running amuk. "what was your phone doing in your back pocket anyway?" asks the annoyed verizon customer service agent. "well, if i put it in my front pocket...i could cut off some fingers when i get the happy surprise of a phone call while at work...i put it on vibrate when i'm working. ...so....is that covered under warranty? ....how about workman's comp??"

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

it pays to look down

on the way out of the grocery store tonight i pushed my cart right over what i thought was going to be someone's discarded trash. i happened to quickly glance down and noticed it was a $20 bill! i stopped in my tracks and looked around me to see who could have dropped it. there was no one nearby and so i snatched that bill up and continued on my way. i can tell you that i don't feel all that great about it...i would like to have given it back to its rightful temporary owner. but being cash, anyone would have gladly staked a claim to it. i'm just going to try to accept it, and that perhaps the universe is telling me something.

looking down all the time has its advantages. finding wayward bills, chips on the casino floor in vegas, and seeing you put your slippers on the wrong feet on your way in the store!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

alcoholics dream

should i ever feel the need to take up a new hobby like drinking myself silly and careening out of reach of the snobsdale pd having a dui ticket giveaway extravaganza during my personal race home from work...well, it wouldn't cost me a dime. ...ok. that's not entirely true. and i promise next time to leave the customary obnoxiously overweight neko thank you under the glass for the bartender to find once my disappearing act commences. last time i left 10 bucks...so in theory i'm not the jerk that i think i am. i doubt that the girls were giving me free booze out of the kindness of their hearts. cute girls like that don't give girls like me free shit...definately not 3 times in a row...unless they had been doing some quality testing on the clock and mistook me for the handsome head chef. so here's to free booze for sushi wranglers and their generous employers that will rescue us all from jail in this wonderful no tolerance state of ours should our tired feet not be heavy enough on the go pedal!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

bomb this

no sake bombers tonight. its a night full of irish car bombs. or in my case a midori sour. not so much a celebratory drink for the day of the shamrock except that its a most beautiful hue of green. unlike its counterpart when you've had too much to drink and make your own personal homage with all that deliciously fatty corned beef and cabbage for take two.

not much to say these days other than making the tellers at the bank speculate as to how the hell i am making it as a stripper when i come in and ask to change up that stack of one's. all my hard work thus far has paid off to a 30% share of the tips. how they figure that out is a mystery to me considering my slanty eyes don't grant me stellar mathematical skills. i'm an art major remember...that stereotype i do follow. or at least make people think i follow.

but i'm having fun...so deep down underneath all that stress of whether or not i'll have to sell the other kidney in order to pay rent next month shouldn't really matter. money isn't everything. i made bank at my last job as an artist assistant...but in the end wasn't as happy as i would have liked. but it sure would be nice to pay my bills and keep that ulcer at bay so that when its time for me to move on i can kampai that sake bomber with you while working and not spend my entire unemployment check on tums.

Friday, February 23, 2007

plays with knives

today i was united with my first official sushi knife. we are one now...as it bit me prior to purchase. almost as funny as that story is...the reason i went in search of a knife is funnier. on my first day i took my "fancy" non stick light weight japanese knife that has holes in it to help facilitate vegetable repellance. t-chan later said that she could have told me that was a bad choice...as i found out for myself that shit like cream cheese and spicy tuna mix was getting stuck in the holes making cleaning the blade a royal pain in the ass. so day two i took the "fancy" santoku japanese knife i had left for t-chan in her house. i remember her dad exclaiming at its sharpness. but in hindsight that may have been because at the time she had a crappy ass set of knives. halfway through the shift i did a major culinary no no. i used another chef's knife! i feel so bad and hope to never do it again...but am very grateful to jc for allowing me to use his. mine decided that it wasn't going to cut anymore. i had to saw at the rolls and when i had to cut one that had plastic wrap on it the roll just started to get all smooshed! i realized then, and later to t-chan's confirmation, that the knife had never been sharpened. ever. that explains a lot. hopefully mason will sharpen it for me [and teach me how in the process] so i can have a back up to my new baby...

...which in the process of adopting i think i granted the girls at the house of rice with a funny story. as i picked up my future extension of my hand, it magically fell out of its wrapping as i was starting to put it back. if freaking me out that it was to be a 'you broke it you buy it' purchase by pretending to fall tip down wasn't enough...it screamed 'take notice of me' as i gently slipped it back in the box with relief that it hit the ground handle first. slit my thumb open the little fucker did. and i swear i heard that metallic ringing you hear when a samuari sword hits its fleshy home!!! instantly my thumb started spewing blood and i ran out of the store to my truck where i knew i had some really really old but hopefully effective band-aids. when i came back in i told them that i accidentally cut my finger on the knife that i noticed was missing from the display and profusely explained that it fell handle first and i only put it back and ran out because i didn't want to run out of the store with it or refurnish their floor with my dna. i was contemplating not buying it and buying a cheaper one that i saw on their website...but i took it as a sign. so the damn thing better cut my rolls with ease!! if my finger was any indication...

the girls there were nice about my ordeal...but i am sure they were thinking i was retarded. especially after asking me if i was in the industry...to which i think i got some sort of discount [score!] would you want to eat something from someone that can't even look at a knife without cutting themselves?? i think its funny. its broken in now. its had a taste for raw flesh...i'll have to keep it happy with some sashimi instead.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

fishy in phoenix

portland is on hold...again! i was all set to get going on a new adventure up in the beautiful pacific northwest with no job, no money, and no place to live. but determined i could make it work...until somewhat out of the blue an application to ra for a pt job to put some cash in my pocket before my move changed everything.....

the overworked angel on my shoulder has once again blown me away with presenting me with an opportunity to follow one of my dreams...sushi chef!!! yup. i said sushi chef! just how the hell i landed this job with minimal sushi experience will always be a mystery to me. could be the mysteries of the universe at work here...it is something i have in my "dream" book. this is better than going to culinary school to be in debt up the ying yang because i'm getting paid as i learn to be the best suchi chef i can be from the patient and nice fellow sushi chefs at ra. i say patient and nice because its kind of funny that being of japanese blood i can't speak it [yet] and i don't know much about sushi other than its fucking delicious!!! but seriously...the guys there are great and especially kick ass for their willingness to help me and take me in because i am a girl. i hope i can hang with the big boys!

i'm exctied and still in a bit of shock to have been offered such a coveted career opportunity!! and i have no idea about what i should and shouldn't be doing in terms of customer interactions and service. what are the rules of being a sushi chef?! if it were up to me i'd be bombarding the people that unfortunately sit in front of me with a bunch of questions, and i know my ignorance and inexperience may be entertaining and overlooked should said patron be filling up on sake bombers! i'm a little scared to be back in public with no kitchen to hide in...but happy that i'll get to do something i love for people that are obviously bad ass for having an open minded and adventurous culinary tastes!!!

so far i've survived 2 lunches...with the most challenging to come up this saturday and sunday. maybe i will be spared as matsuri [phoenix's annual japanese festival] is this weekend and may qwell the lunch crowd. but it has just been sink or swim for me as ra doesn't provide any take home manuals that i can study with...only one i can look at when i have time behind the bar. when i have time??...ha ha! what? you want me to make a philly roll? what's in that?? salmon and cream cheese?...oh yeah...i never order that because i can't eat the cream cheese. i trust that the "fast learner" attributes that have not failed me in the past will resurface and kick in...although i'd feel much more comfortable if i could "cheat" by studying at home. i'm truly embarassed that i don't know what's in a basic roll you can get anywhere...and could not tell one lady what the name of those yummy poppy flourescent orange eggs were!!! smelt. but i know now...i'll never forget! we'll see how long being an aloof goof works on the public..."i'm new!" [big smile] ...but i know despite any innocent facade...my cover is already blown with one look at my slanty eyes!